…the joker…
The Joker: I believe whatever doesn’t kill you simply makes you… stranger.
The Joker: [to Batman] Come on, I want you do it, I want you to do it. Come on, hit me. *Hit me!*
The Joker: Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. We are tonight’s entertainment! I only have one question. Where is Harvey Dent?
The Joker: I took Gotham’s white knight, and lowered him to our level. It wasn’t hard. Y’see, madness, as you know, is like gravity. All it takes is a little…push.[laughs]
The Joker: [to Batman] We really should stop fighting, we’ll miss the fireworks!
The Joker: The only sensible way to live in this world is without rules!
The Joker: See, I’m not a monster…I’m just ahead of the curve.
The Joker: See, I’m a man of simple tastes. I like gunpowder…and dynamite…and gasoline! Do you know what all of these things have in common? They’re cheap!
The Joker: Wanna know how I got these scars?
The Joker: You’ll see, I’ll show you, that when the chips are down, these uh… civilized people, they’ll eat each other.
The Joker: People will die. Starting tonight. I’m a man of my word.
The Joker: You see, nobody panics when things go according to plan. Even if the plan is horrifying. If I told people that a gangbanger was going to get shot, or a busload of soldiers was going to get blown up, nobody would panic. Because it’s all part of the plan. But tell people that one tiny little mayor is going to die and everyone loses their minds!
The Joker: You look nervous. Is it the scars? You want to know how I got them? Come here. Hey, look at me. So I had a wife, beautiful; like you. Who tells me, I worry too much. Who tells me, I ought to smile more. Who gambles, and gets in deep with sharks. One day they carve her face. We have no money for surgeries. She can’t take it! I just want to see her smile again. I just want her to know that I don’t care about the scars. So I stick a razor in my mouth and do this… to myself. And you know what? She can’t stand the sight of me! She leaves. Now I see the funny side. Now I’m always smiling!
The Joker: [Rachel kicks the Joker away] A little fight in you. I like that.
The Joker: You have nothing to threaten me with. Nothing to do with all your strength.
The Joker: [holding a knife inside Gamble’s mouth] Wanna know how I got these scars? My father was….a drinker. And a fiend. And one night he goes off crazier than usual. Mommy gets the kitchen knife to defend herself. He doesn’t like that. Not. One. Bit. So, me watching, he takes the knife to her, laughing while he does it. Turns to me and he says “Why so serious?” Comes at me with the knife,”Why so serious?” He sticks the blade in my mouth. “Lets put a smile on that face!” And….. Why so serious?
The Joker: [Batman slams The Joker’s head on a table] Never start with the head, the victim gets all fuzzy.
The Joker: [speaking to Two-Face] Do I really look like a man with a plan, Harvey? I don’t have a plan. The mob has plans, the cops have plans. You know what I am, Harvey? I’m a dog chasing cars. I wouldn’t know what to do if I caught one. I just *do* things. I’m a wrench in the gears. I *hate* plans. Yours, theirs, everyone’s. Maroni has plans. Gordon has plans. Schemers trying to control their worlds. I am not a schemer. I show schemers how pathetic their attempts to control things really are. So when I say that what happened to you and your girlfriend wasn’t personal, you know I’m telling the truth.[hands Two-Face a gun] It’s a schemer who put you where you are. You were a schemer. You had plans. Look where it got you. I just did what I do best-I took your plan and turned it on itself. Look what I have done to this city with a few drums of gas and a couple bullets. Nobody panics when the expected people get killed. Nobody panics when things go according to plan, even if the plans are horrifying. If I tell the press that tomorrow a gangbanger will get shot, or a truckload of soldiers will get blown up, nobody panics. But when I say one little old mayor will die, everyone loses their minds! Introduce a little anarchy, you upset the established order, and everything becomes chaos. I am an agent of chaos. And you know the thing about chaos, Harvey? It’s fair.
[with the gun in Two-Face’s hand, he places the gun to his forehead; Two-Face pauses and takes out his coin]
Two-Face: [showing the unscarred side] You live.
The Joker: Mm-hm.
Two-Face: [flipping, showing the scarred side] You die.
The Joker: Now you’re talking!
